My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
