I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
