I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
too bad you live with your parents still
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
