They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
