i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My liver just had a heart attack.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
