And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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