I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
