I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
