I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
