Moan for me like Helen Keller
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
