Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
