im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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