Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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