sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
