I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
