Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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