Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
