Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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