A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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