im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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