Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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