I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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