i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
