ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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