I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
