i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
