on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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