i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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