I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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