I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
