It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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