there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
