I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
