How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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