if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
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You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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