He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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