that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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