just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
