Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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