dude i'm inner monologue high
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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