I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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