i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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