They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
