So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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