went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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