at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
