beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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