I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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