I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
