Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
