to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
