i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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