Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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