So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize