i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
