so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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