they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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