Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
