i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
