Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
