i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
