he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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