I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
