she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
