i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
