I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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