dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
