Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't deserve a penis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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