We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
