Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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